We are the Author, the Reader, the Editor, and the Character

why we must reread and revise our own stories

Today, I was pondering the necessity for constant re-narration. We are already constantly narrating: telling stories, assigning meaning and labels to everything we perceive and experience. We are especially talented at crafting stories about ourselves. How often do we pause and reread a page? How often do we question the direction of our narrative?

If we did this, we might find that some days there are things we would like to erase and rewrite before we ink it deep into our neurology- into our brain, heart, and body. Without this pause we create patterns of thought, emotion, and behavior. Writing a story with a character who desires to do differently and feel differently but has gone so long without rereading her own authorship that she has forgotten what she has written. She becomes unaware that she is writing more of the same.

We can pause for a moment and reread the story we are writing and question how it feels and how we want this chapter to go. It is trendy to talk about “main character energy”, but the main character is a pawn if she doesn’t realize she is also the narrator, the author. Even if you feel you have been writing your script consciously, have you been going back to question and revise it?

This may be best understood through an example, and I have plenty from my own life. As I said, we are making story of everything. This morning, after writing this in my journal I noticed a nagging knot in my shoulder and knew I needed to get on the foam roller and try to release it. The beginning of the day for me means, well, I have just begun and I have a long list of things I’d like to do before I entertain something like rolling around on the floor. However, I knew my body needed it and as I rolled I noticed how rapidly I was doing so. My body was contracted and not relaxed because the story in my mind was I didn’t have time to relax, I needed to work this knot out as quickly as possible so I could resume things that are (again, story) “more productive.”

As soon as I realized I was living by the narrative that I do not have time to relax, my inner rebel came to the rescue and I slowed down to the speed of a sloth and rolled millimeter by millimeter breathing into each space until I felt a release. I had to pause and realize the story I was living by and penciling into my present, which was: “I do not have time to relax.” This is not a story or belief I’d like to continue to write but unfortunately it is currently a theme of my book because for so long I’ve been “too busy” to pause and reread. So, daily I have been repeating this theme into each page.

As I regain conscious authorship, I may not yet be aware of the stories ending, but I always know the direction I would like to take the character. As I pause I remember that the character and story that I am crafting is one of love, freedom, and abundance.

The past two days I’ve had a ferocious appetite which has led me to eat off of my nutrition plan. After two days of some indulgence in carbohydrates I felt the urge to counter this with low carb days and increased cardio. I felt shame around my lack of execution and my emotional decision making. Then I caught myself and questioned what I was penciling in. This was a story of fear (that my choices would derail my progress), and of lack (that I was not good enough or strong enough). This only perpetuates the same cycle of shame if one does not become aware of it and shift the momentum.

I quickly erased and rewrote my narrative to something like: I savored every bite of nachos and it provided my body with energy to support my active lifestyle. I am grateful that I can live balanced and without restriction and still make progress toward my goals. I feel satisfied now and that I may joyfully return to executing my normal regime. I smile at my humanness, I feel so much love from being able to view my actions with compassion and a light heart.

We have to pause and check in with how we feel. Does the story we are crafting make us feel empowered (like we have the pencil in our hand) or disempowered (like we cannot control the narrative of our own life story)? If we are feeling the latter, run your story through your rationality (aka your fact checker). Can I know this to be true? Is it true that two days of high carbs takes me so far off track that I have to write in shame, or do I have the authority to shift right now into a point of view that moves my character forward? Can I frame this truth in a way that is light hearted, loving, and uplifting? Can I focus on the lesson rather than harp on the “mistake”?

lastly, If I have written in something untrue, can I identify why I created a fictitious entry on this page? We gain so much power when we pause to reread our entries. We learn so much about our deep programming (the many pages up to now that have not been reread but repeated). Realizing the stories we are telling, questioning them, and consciously rewriting them to fit into the theme we ultimately want our character to live out, is the most exciting experience. To realize you hold the pencil, the eraser, and a wildly creative imagination is much more empowering than simply being the main character. You are the author, and the reader as well. Rewrite the narrative you wish to live out.