At the end of each day I find myself thinking today was such a great day. It’s been awhile since I could say I’ve had that thought occur with such consistency. However, everyday begins feeling completely unsure and doubtful it will be such a beautiful day. Each day beings with an experience of fear, anxiety, sadness, and discomfort. Somehow, without force, I arrive at the end of the day having worked through it.
Most days here for me are without much structure. I have work calls but overall my schedule is quite flexible. Typically this creates an anxiety for me at home, how to spend my time. Here, I also experience this anxiety at the start of my day but multiplied now that I’m living amongst extroverted strangers (who are beginning to feel less and less strange).
I begin the day with ideas of what I should do, I hear them, and then I respond we will just see what happens. Every day I get to choose if I will surf, run, workout, work, or do nothing. Every day I feel the resistance to all of it, I’m not sure I want to do any of it but I also don’t want to do nothing. The pressure I put on myself at home has faded here, yet, I always find I ended up doing what I needed.
I have struck a balance where I’m being productive in my work, I’m being more social (so I’m feeling less uncomfortable), and I’m moving playfully. I’ve been choosing to run, surf twice a day, nap, play volleyball and ping pong, stretch, dance alone in my room, discovering new music just laying on my back and losing myself in songs. I feel like my cup is being filled, on all levels my needs are being met. I’m on top of my work and have exciting new challenges which stretch me and give me the sweet spot of discomfort and healthy fear. This is mirroring my experience at the hostel in Ecuador. I feel like life on every level is blessing me with the sweet spot of discomfort and healthy fear to stretch and expand me. I just feel like I am living my best life.
I know there will be days or weeks to come where this will not feel the case but I notice it now because it has been missing and I am feeling overwhelmed with thankfulness for the effortlessness I’m falling into rhythm with. I’ve been wanting to find this; knowing it requires me letting go of my normal and routine ways. I’ve come to an environment which has shattered my known world so I may now create a mosaic out of the pieces.
I feel I am being stretched and I’ve finally broken the initial point of discomfort and resistance. I am now sinking deeper and deeper into the ease and relaxation and pleasure of being. Three weeks into this experience and I am learning so much so rapidly. It is bringing out the me that has wanted for so long to exist. I find myself in a place I’ve spent years efforting to attain and this natural happening is beginning to well.. happen naturally. I see and I feel the magic again. I am experiencing so much contrast; dark and light, a full spectrum in every single day. Everyday seems to have it’s own story, it’s own journey. There is so much life lived in one day and it’s not by me going after it, it’s all right here unfolding like a song - harmonious and captivating. I guess now I am just finding myself keeping beat with it.
Much love to you all,
Blissful Bre
I love hearing this! 🥰
I’m so happy for you it brings tears to my eyes! 😊 💕 🏄 🌊